it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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