I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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