I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
