On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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