I just pynch a tree in the face
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
