Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
