yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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