She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
