this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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