I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
