Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
