I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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