Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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