You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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