so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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