I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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