I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
