I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
