wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
