a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
