I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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