call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
