Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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