in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize