he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
