I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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