Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
