Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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