just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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