$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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