it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
