you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
