my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
