I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
