omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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