Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
