My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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