hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
