just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
