the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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