you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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