Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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