I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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