You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
