dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
