I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
should my penis look like a turkey
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
