i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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