Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
