A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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