Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
