I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
