I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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