I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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