we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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