I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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