So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize