Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
