my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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