well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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