my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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