My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful