I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?