I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.