whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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