My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
