I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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