I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
