There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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