The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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