I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
