what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry about my life...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
