His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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