May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug