we're blogging at a bar
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
