piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM