my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
