what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
why is half of my head shaved?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
