I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
