WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
