Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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