Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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